Extreme Flightmare
It was a Wednesday in July when I got a call in Scarsdale, NY that my 91 year-old father had died in Johannesburg, South Africa. I wanted to go to the funeral which was supposed to be on Friday, but I leant on them to delay it until Sunday even though this was against some Jewish custom. They said that the funeral should happen within 72 hours to facilitate the soul being released on its journey (to where wasn’t stated) but that since there were many people in South Africa in our situation, where emigrant children could not get back very quickly for their parent’s funerals, they would relax the rules a little.
I got onto the internet to get a flight for my wife and I. Nothing doing. For some reason all the direct flights from New York in the next few days were sold out. And all alternatives I started trying, through Atlanta, and London, etc., were unavailable. Even business class, at ridiculously high prices ($8,000+ per round trip ticket. – and coach if available averaged $3,500) No bereavement accommodations, nothing. So I called my firm’s travel agency to help. She called me back after a couple hours and said that she was sorry, and this had never happened to her before that she could not help, but that she just can’t get me to Johannesburg by Sunday. She tried every city in Europe with a connection to SA – Rome, Paris, Frankfurt, Amsterdam,..) and they were all booked out. So I asked her if she had tried through South America – Rio, Buenos Aires, Sao Paulo,… I heard her keyboard clacking…. “Son of a gun, there is a TAM flight tomorrow morning leaving JFK at 9:30 getting to Sao Paulo at 8PM and there is a South African Airways (SAA) flight leaving at 10:30 arriving in Johannesburg noon Friday. For $2,700”. Take it, I said – that’s only about 3 hours longer than the direct flight, and the price is relatively ok.
My brother, who lives in Vegas also wanted to go, so I called him with the Travel Agent’s (TA) number and flight details – this is the only and best flight you are going to be able to find. He had to get to NY and said his flight to JFK from LV would get in late Wednesday night and he would stay at an airport hotel and meet us at the airport Thursday morning.
So Thursday morning, having packed my wife’s scooter and walker (she has MS and can’t walk much) into the limo, we were on the ride to JFK in morning rush hour traffic, I get a call from my brother – “I’m in a taxi to NYC.” “Why?” “TAM Airlines say we need Brazilian Visas.” “But we are not going to Brazil, we are only passing through – we don’t need visas for that.” “Listen, I was there at the airport, I asked the questions, and they won’t let us on the plane without visas so I changed the flights to 8:30 tonight.” “You changed my flights – how can they/you change my flights – and what about the connection?” “Uh,…. anyway, I’m going to the consulate now.” Click.
So I tell the driver to turnaround and take us back home, since everything was now screwed up. Unpack scooters, walkers, luggage. Get on the internet – you don’t need a visa if in transit for less than 6 hours. Call the TA – “No, you don’t need a visa.” So I say that TAM is overriding Brazilian law. She says she will investigate. I look at the Brazilian site – you can apply in person for visas between 10am and noon M-F, fee of $100, passport, 2x2 color photo, forms, only the first 10 people in line per day, … and you can pick them up in person after 5 business days. It is now 11:00 and my brother is calling me – “Where am I, get into the city, they are really serious about this 12:00 noon thing.” “What about the 5 biz days thing?” “No, I had a screaming match with them and they agreed to have them by 4pm today, but you gotta get here.”
So there is no way that I was going to be able to do this rushing around with scooters, walkers and my disabled wife. So I took a photo off the fridge, and cut her face out approximately 2x2, and drove into NYC traffic. I parked in a garage and got to one of those 5 minute passport photo places at 10 to 12. “This has gotta be really 5 minutes .” – “Yeah, yeah.” So I get to the Consulate at 1 minute to 12 – they’re lowering the window, and my brother is holding it up and shouting – “He’s here – wait.” I’m furiously filling forms, we’re both sweating bullets and they indeed don’t pick up on the fact that there are 3 apps and only 2 people. So whew (and phew) my bro is going to wait in the city, get the visas, and meet me (again) at JFK. So I say let’s have some lunch and then I’ll go back home and start again.
At the restaurant I wanted to call the TA to find out about the connection to Johannesburg, but there was no cell reception. The restaurant would not let us use their phone. The pay phone wasn’t working. So after eating something, I go and get the car and drive up the ramp to 48th Street which was itself a parking lot. Nothing moving. Grid lock. There is a police car in front of me and the cop is out of the car looking at the situation. I notice that my passenger side rear view mirror was pushed in. Must have happened in the parking garage. So I motion to the cop that I am going to fix my mirror. He doesn’t seem to understand. Nothing moving. I get out and he walks over to me and says “I am going to have to give you a summons.” “No wucken fay” I say, why? And he points to a No Standing Anytime sign!! “But, I’m not – the whole bratten street is standing.” “Yes, but if you get out of your car then it becomes standing or parking.” “But I told you I am just going to flip the ratten bratten mirror.” Then I thought I should stop lest I be arrested for swearing at a police officer and land up overnight in jail given what’s been happening so far today. He gave me a ratten bratten fratten ticket!
I said to my brother, “You know what’s happening don’t you? It’s our father – he’s screwing with us. We are delaying his trip to paradise, or wherever, and he’s messing with us for that. When I die, I am going to find him and kill him all over again.”
So I get home and I get a call from the TA – “Someone spoke to someone in TAM Airlines and they said that yes, you don’t technically need a visa , however, when you arrive at TAM’s terminal in Sao Paulo, you don’t yet have a SAA boarding pass, so you have to go out to get one and therefore you need a visa.” “And the connection?” “Well there is a connection at 8 pm and you get to Johannesburg Saturday.” The entire day Friday layover in the airport. So this started on Wednesday and goes to Saturday!
Pack scooter, walker, luggage and go to JFK Thursday afternoon. The agent at the check in is totally flummoxed by the computer records. This thing is completely messed up. Are you going via Paris? She calls a supervisor over. He can’t make sense. They say we will have to go to the ticketing desk…. The ticketing desk clerk is sweating it out and is on the phone with the back room boys trying to figure whatever they were trying to figure, for a hour! The lineup behind us was becoming restless and irate. Eventually we get a pile of passports and tickets. Then back to the check-in. Everyone asks for tickets and boarding passes. Baggage handlers, gate keepers, security, gate check clerks, wheel chair pushers. Their eyes don’t even focus on them, They just take them from you and shuffle them and give them back. We finally get on to the plane, and I look at my pile – two passports, and only one set of tickets. The father is still at it.
We get to Sao Paulo at the crack of dawn. The place is deserted. Noone asks for visas. You don’t need no fratten visas. There is a SAA desk right in the transit area. Probably this whole visa thing is a scam going between Tam guys and Consulate guys to get a bunch of Benjamins. My brother is now sitting in a black cloud just waiting for the I told you sos. For the entire day. And noone had the stomach to venture out to see Sao Paulo even though we had these handy dandy visas. It was lucky that we had gate checked the scooter, without which life for my wife (who was a real trooper all this time) and I would have been even worse for that day of waiting.
So we get to Johannesburg. No bratten luggage comes off for us. Nada. Zip. Nothing. Of course. So now, instead of recovering before the funeral from all of this and two consecutive red eye flights, plus jet lag, now we have to go shopping for clothes for the funeral. So we go to Woolworths, fund some stuff, stand in the check-out line, and the clerk says, uh, do you have another credit card? The TA had billed my Amex card for the flights consecutively instead of together. So Amex gets two charges from the same merchant for the same amount on the same day – automatic suspension, and ID verification. Oh, father. I won’t even go into the hassle with the rental car.
So we go to the funeral ok Sunday and collapse Monday.
Tuesday I get onto the computer and write an email to the TA saying that besides all of this we are out of pocket at least $700 - $300 for visas, $200 for extra car and taxi rides, $100 traffic ticket, clothes because of lost luggage – and we want to take action against TAM Airlines – please advise.
So Wednesday I get on to the computer and see “Scores Dead in Jet Inferno”. TAM had crashed landing in Sao Paulo. The same airline, same airport (but not from NY). So I write another email to the Travel Agent, “When I said take action, .. I didn’t mean that much ..” ∎
